10 Humorous Book Quotes/Snippets




It’s been a while since I’ve shared some of my favourite bits and pieces of books I’ve read.  Last time I shared quotes that I found beautiful.  This time I’m sharing the pieces that made me snicker…


“In the words of Vilmette Oppenholm, in her essay on the decline of free cupcakes, ‘How awful.’” –North! Or be Eaten!


“One evening after Bjarni and his wife Rannveig had gone to bed, she said to him, ‘What do you think everyone in the district is talking about these days?’  ‘I couldn’t say,’ said Bjarni.  ‘In my opinion most people talk a lot of rubbish.’” —  Thorstein the Staff-Struck


‘Miss Climpson was one of those people who say: ‘I am not the kind of person who reads other people’s postcards.’  This is clear notice to all and sundry that they are, precisely, that kind of person.  They are not untruthful; the delusion is real to them.  It is merely that Providence has provided them with a warning rattle, like that of the rattlesnake.  After that, if you are so foolish as to leave your correspondence in their way, it is your own affair.’ — Unnatural Death


“You saw the pale-faced child beside the bottomless chasm?” The Chronicler selected another volume, slid down from his stool, and approached Alistair at the table.  “Then there can be no doubt about it.  You’re going to die.  A slow, lingering death brought on by study and academic application.”  He plunked the book down in front of Alistair.  “As long as you’re here, you might as well start reading.  Open to the tenth page, please.” – Dragonwitch


“I’d…I’d really like to keep the Slavering Swamp Beast,” Franz said, shuffling his feet nervously.  “If it’s all the same with you.” –The Ghost of Briardale


‘The Andrians were the first of the islanders to refuse Themistocles’ demand for money; he had put it to them that they would be unable to avoid paying, because the Athenians had the support of two powerful deities, one called If-you-Please and the other Oh-but-you-Must, and the Andrians had replied that Athens was lucky to have two such useful gods, who were obviously responsible for her wealth and greatness; unfortunately, however, they themselves, in their small and inadequate island, also had two deities in permanent possession of their soil—and by no means such useful ones, for their names were Haven’t-a-Penny and Sorry-I-Can’t.’ — The Histories (Herodotus)


‘He grabbed his nose and caught the sneeze so that it burst angrily in his head and ears.  “Um.  Pardon me,” he gasped, rubbing his eyes.  The woman stared at him.  “Did you explode?” she asked.  He shook his head.  Her eyes narrowed.  “I think you exploded.” — Shadowhand


“We fly!  Aha! Away!” cried the Florid Sword.  He swished his blade through the air thrice, then removed his wide-brimmed hat and bowed low.  “Resume the consumption of thy eggish scrumption!” He smiled.  “I believe I made that word up.  And it rhymed!  Gleeful are the delights a new day bringeth!” – The Warden and the Wolf King


“I make mistakes, but I am on the side of Good,” the Golux said, “by accident and happenchance.  I had high hopes of being Evil when I was two, but in my youth I came upon a firefly burning in a spider’s web.  I saved the victim’s life.  “The firefly’s?” said the minstrel.  “The spider’s.  The blinking arsonist had set the web on fire.” — The Thirteen Clocks


‘As Agatha Swanburne herself once remarked, “So many cupcakes, so little time”- an unfortunate mathematical ratio that remains in effect to this very day.’ –The Incorrigible Children of Ashton Place: The Interrupted Tale


Maybe not as deep as the topics in my first list, but I love such snicker-worthy snippets and write them down as readily as the insightful ones. I’m ridiculously pleased with how I was able to open and close with the topic of cupcakes.

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